T h e   F i n a l   E x a m

T H E   F I N A L   E X A M
INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit --four (4) hours. Begin immediately.
History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origin to the present day, concentrate specially but not exclusively, on the social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.	Biology: Create life. Estimate the difference in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed five hundred years earlier, with special attention to probable effects on the English Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.	Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Literature: Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante, Norse myrhology and, the Marx Brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics.	Psychology: Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic thought, successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality changes, bill yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do the same to the person seated to your immediate left.	Agricultural Science: Outline the steps involved in breading your own super high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical properties and estimate its impact on world food supplies. Construct a model for dealing with worldwide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize acceptance speech.
Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.	Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany the end of the world. Show how boy meets girl theory developed. Construct an experiment to test your theory.	Comprehension: three minute time test. Read everything before doing anything. Put your name in the upper right hand corner of this page. Circle the word name in sentence three. Sign your name under the title of this paper, after the title write “yes, yes, yes.” Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this paper. Draw a triangle around the X you just put down. On the back of this paper multiply 703x668. Loudly call out your name when you get to this point. If you think you have followed the directions carefully to this point call out “I have.” Punch three small holes in the top of this paper. If you are the first person to get this far, call out “I am the first person to this point, I am leading in following directions.” On the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and 9850. Put a cirlce around your answer and put a square around the circle. Now that you have finished reading carefully, do only sentence two.
Logic: Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following: that truth is beauty; that there is not a little person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the person taking the exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific; show all work.	Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method from all points of view. Point out deficiencies in your point of view as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Philosophy: Sketch the development of the human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.	Computer Science: Define computer. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all computer decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communications interface and all the necessary control programs.	Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Star World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.	Public Speaking: 2,500 riot crazed students are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin and Greek.	Extra Credit: Give today’s date --in metric.
TRUE, FALSE, OR NONE OF THE ABOVE A poster in Canaday Hall conveys the final exam as seen through the eyes of someone who undoubtedly was forced to fill one too many bluebooks.